I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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