I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
