please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
