So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
