What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
