I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
