Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
