bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
