Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
