Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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