If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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