I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
