i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
