I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
