I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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