apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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