They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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