I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
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Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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