were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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