It's like God shit irony all over that family
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
