now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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