I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
