from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
