So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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