I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize