please come you make the beer taste better
my being single is dangerous.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
