That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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