since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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