I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
