Porn is love you can see.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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