Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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