She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
