Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
