Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
