You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
