Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
