True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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