I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My ATM looks so different sober.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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