Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
