I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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