It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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