Already got asked if we're dating
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
