Who wears a wallet chain?!
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
