I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
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