OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
