i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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