OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
