The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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