in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
