Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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