you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
