VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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