I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
it glows. i had to have it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
