Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
We are all done wearing pants today
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
