hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
