I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
