redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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