And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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