alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
