It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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