I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
